More work done on the set today. Installed the carpet, and begun putting PHAL together. Just as I was nearly burning out the motor on my drill, cutting through the black plexiglass that will form the base of the computer interface, Tony came walking up. We laid the carpet in the ship, inflicting horrible rug burns to our knees and then spent the rest of the late afternoon swimming with my daughter.
Believe me, I am serious about finishing this ship, but unfortunately life has a way of keeping me from it.
To be honest, I want to be done with this ship. It has taken way too many months and too much of my time and energy. And I curse ever having conceived of building the damn thing in the first place. I desperately need an art director to step in and finish the fine details. And there are still a lot of fine details left to do. Sigh…
However, that being said, the set looks freakin’ awesome.
There is also work left to be done on the first three scripts. I’ve decided to move forward and not wait for any hope of major brand support to fund this show. My goal now is to film the first three eps, make that our pilot and put it out there for a select few to see and hopefully go ga-ga over it.
Allison is getting anxious that I’ve been dragging my feet. We’ve tentatively set Sept. 26th as our first day of filming. We’ve yet to contract with a casting director, much less put a full team together. And we have only two weeks left. A lot of people don’t realize that after several failures – of which many have no knowledge of – it is rather difficult to pick one’s own pockets, yet again, to fund something that could very well fail as those before. So, naturally, I am hesitant. The amount of money I am talking about here is a pittance compared to even the slummiest of shows produced in Hollywood. Yet, the amount for our budget is still a tremendous sum, especially considering the times.
But what keeps driving me is that I’ve wanted this for such a long time. Not “having my own show” but wanting to have an idea worthy enough to build into something that would be enjoyed, laughed at (in a good way) and celebrated. Sure, I’ve had a lot of ideas. However, I’m not one to just throw some lines together on any old subject, grab a camera and shout “Let’s go!” I want there to be a reason to spend my time and effort. It’s always been this way for me. I don’t just create something willy-nilly for the sake of creating something. Some people come easy to this task. I do not.
I also see so many other creative people pushing out their latest idea. And then another. Then another. Most are pretty tolerable, but not great. Not really noteworthy, other than to say “hey, I have a web series, or I’ve made a short film.” I’m envious of them. Cause whether I find their work enjoyable or not is doesn’t matter. They have created something. And I feel like I’ve been sitting on the sidelines for too long, held captive by my fears. I guess I fear mediocrity so much that I am immobilized, unable to even put my hand into motion on an idea. I fear the set will look foolish and amateur. I fear that my writing will be moribund, uninteresting and frankly, not funny. This fear, this “little hater” voice inside of me keeps me from continuing, sticks me to the quiet places I’ve haunted in my heart. Keeps me from succeeding.
It’s time to kick the little hater in the balls and run toward the laughter and the light.
First sleep. Then build some props. Then finish the set. Polish the scripts. Cast the show. Learn my lines. And finally invite a bunch of fantastic, creative people to film a crazy little idea of mine in my garage.
